A Disney fan blog about the good things in life.

Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Twilight Convention 2010 AKA Brokedown Convention for fatties and their moms.

I'll be the first person to say that I had majorly high expectations from the Twilight Convention. I am not a Trek loving loser so have never been to any "official" type of convention or gathering for people obsessed with something like I am. Having said that I have seen pictures of these events where people are overcome with joy being near props from the movie, posing with items or touching a celebritys hand. So naturally I imagined myself in that same scenario...holding Kellan Lutz's hand while we whispered sexual innuendos to each other, gazing longingly at Edwards pea coat, daring to touch Jacobs motorcycle while imagining sitting on it with him.

None of that shit happened.

I'll start with the hotel which was hot, crowded and had an entirely wrong layout for a convention that did have loads of people at it. Upon arrival I looked around trying to figure out where the main gathering area was not knowing I was already in it. Just a few sad signs were proof that I was in the right place. Not even neon you cheap losers

So Bootsie and I got our ghetto wristbands and figured we'd walk around to check things out. Of course every dirty vendor known to man was there selling anything you could want vampire related. Included in the pile of trash available to buy were contact lenses that could make your eyes like a hungry Cullen, well fed Cullen, creepy Italian Volturi or a variety of other disgusting things. Many were being worn and I had to stop and ask myself if that was ok to do. Girls are just popping contacts into their eyes that they bought from a vendor named Creepy Contacts where someone eating a sandwich is willing to help put them in. I'll pass. My eyesight is bad enough thank you.

Every cardboard Edward and Jacob was there and I have to say I did have several intimate moments with them. It may have possibly been the highlight of my day besides the line of dirty girls behind me trying to creep their way in wearing their "Team Boo Boo" t's and sporting Burger King Eclipse crowns on their heads. That's no lie...legit Burger King Crowns . I went out and bought myself some new threads girls and tried to look as fine as possible so some BK was not in my wardrobe . A tender moment between me and my E. Don't be jealous of my wristband.

After perusing the sea of junk Bootsie and I decided to go into the ballroom where the Q& A session between the D list members of the wolf pack was going on, but stopped before entering to look at some of the movies "props" . This is what we got

That's right lovelies, your eyes are not deceiving you..it's a sheet with a picture of Bellas truck on it. That is some high tech shit for sure! Alice's yellow porsche was also hung up in sheet form but I was just too beside myself at tht point to even bother. Instead we went into the Q & A session which lasted way too long with 3 people I could care less about. No Rob = me no care. The gaggle of teen and tweens girls surrounding me , the majority of which were in outfits that were just soooo wrong, were enough to push me right over the edge. At this point I needed a drink and since there is light at the end of the tunnel when I get my picture taken with Kellan we go on a liquor hunt.
More to come girls....it does get worse
~ Karen

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